Thoughts of a Rambler

Self Checkout

2009-08-07T13:21:00.002-04:00

Ugh. When the self checkout first came out, I thought it would be awesome. But I forgot that that would mean people would actually have to scan a few bar codes and hit a few buttons. Clearly we are not ready for that yet. Thank God they have an employee there to help people out or these lanes would be absolutely useless. I think maybe you should have to take a test in order to be able to use these lanes.

My best self checkout story actually just happened to me today at lunch. I'm at walmart, getting ready to checkout, and there's only one lady in line, so I decide to chance it. It's one of those lanes that have a small conveyor belt that you can load your items on. Well the lady who was checking out when I walked up looked like she was almost done. She had like 2 things left in her cart, neither of which were on the belt. I had about 15 things in my cart, so I decided to be pro-active and load my stuff onto the belt so can I start right away after she's done. (You know what's coming, don't you?)

She FREAKED....

I put two boxes on the belt, and the belt starts going. She gets this scared look on her face, starts shaking her head, and throws her arm in front of my boxes so they can only go halfway down the belt. She kept saying "no, no, nope, no, no". What the what? I still don't know why she did this. So, I picked up my boxes, put them back in my cart, and wait for her scan her last item. She scans it, and says "ok, now you can put your stuff on there." SERIOUSLY? Did she think if my boxes were on the belt that she would have to pay for them? She does know that you have to physically scan each item and put it in your bag, right? If my stuff is sitting at the end of the belt, I'm pretty sure she's not on the hook for them. I wonder if she flips when she's in a regular line, and her stuff is on the belt, and someone comes up behind her, puts one of those plastic dividers on the belt, and starts loading her stuff?

Why does crap like this always happen at walmart? I think their slogan should be "Walmart: Always an Adventure"

Expialidocious

2009-06-22T13:14:00.000-04:00

Careful. If you watch this, you'll have it in your head all day...

My Next Purchase

2009-04-23T14:33:00.002-04:00

The Funny

2009-02-06T14:19:00.002-05:00

I don't know why, but I find this hilarious.

Butt Slap

2009-02-04T12:31:00.000-05:00

Did you see this?

2009-02-02T13:11:00.002-05:00

Let me preface this post by saying that I love football. Love it. Watch it every Sunday, Monday, and sometimes Thursday.

But seriously? The Pittsburgh school system is on 2 hour delay this morning because of the Super Bowl. What the...? Look, I get that the school systems are probably harder on the kids than they used to with more homework and whatnot and that the kids probably deserve a break wherever they can get them. And I get that kids need their sleep to learn better and blah blah blah... But for football? Even I thinks that's ridiculous.

"But Ben, you live in Cincinnati where Reds opening day is like a holy day and kids are taken out of school to go see the parade and attend the game. Isn't that the same thing?"

Um, no. I don't get that whole opening day thing either (Hello? It's one of 81 games they play there every year), but it's not like the schools shut down for it. What about the kids (and parents) who could care less about football? Maybe I was raised different. Maybe I just put a higher value on education because I got a fantastic one, but this just strikes me as wrong.

Stay classy, Pittsburgh.

I'm not going to miss those election adds

2008-11-06T12:35:00.000-05:00

But I am going to miss stuff like this

Voting

2008-11-06T11:20:00.005-05:00

Did you vote on Tuesday? I did. Had an interesting experience:

The polls opened at 6:30am. I try to leave for work around 7 each morning, so I figured I would just stop on my way. I pulled into the elementary school parking lot only to find the (roughly) 150 parking spaces almost full. I had to drive around a few minutes just to get a spot. I'm thinking this does not bode well for me leaving here in a timely fashion.

On my way in, I was offered a card with the Republican ticket on it (I assume it just listed all the Republicans I was allowed to vote for). I politely refused, one because I rarely take handouts from random people, and two, because if I wanted to vote Republican, I'm pretty sure the ballot would list the party affiliation of each candidate. (It did, by the way). I was also greeted by a nice lady holding up a rather large McCain/Palin sign. No Democrat stuff anywhere. Weird. Ohio is still a "swing" state, right? Oh well. In I go.

Holy crap there's a lot of people in here. Well, like a good little boy, I go and stand in the back of the (incredibly long) line. I stay there for a couple minutes, and the people in front of me start asking if they are in the right line. What? There's more than one line? Oooh - maybe I don't have to stand in line after all. ("Wow, Ben, what makes you think that you wouldn't have to stand in line while these people do?" you might say. Is "I'm better than them" acceptable?) A couple of guys go up to a lady sitting behind a table, ask her something, she points, and they go inside the gym. The gym is where the voting takes place - my line, however, is not even close to getting in the gym. Well, now I have to check it out. I go to said table and ask the lady where I'm supposed to stand. I tell her my street name, she finds it on the sheet, and tells me that I am better than those people. I know, right? Well, that's what I heard in my mind. The actual words were more like "You're in that line" as she points to the gym. Woohoo! So I find the correct line. Instead of waiting for 75 people, now I have to wait for about 20. We're making progress.

A nice lady walks up to me and informs me that if I'd like to fill out a paper ballot, that I can just walk up to the table now, sign in, and vote. I smile, say "Oh, ok" and stay in line for electronic voting. Wait, what? For some reason, I just stood in line. Did I think my vote would somehow count more if I did it electronically? Or that it would count sooner? I really don't know. It was weird. Did these people in my line know something I didn't and that's why they were waiting to vote electronically? You'd be surprised what goes through my head sometimes.

A man walks up behind me, the same lady give him the same speech, and he responds with "Really? Ok, let's do that." He walks up, signs his name, they give him a ballot, point him to a booth, and now he's voting. And I'm still 20th in line. Apparently seeing somebody else do it let me know it was "ok", so I decide to give this a shot. Sure enough, I walk up, show my driver's license, sign my name, get my ballot, and go vote.

I was in and out in 30 minutes, which, seeing some news stories, is pretty good for this election. Turns out it could have been about 3 minutes. I guess I know for next time. You know what, though? Four years from now, I'll forget this ever happened and probably do the same thing.

PS: for those of you that left a comment on the last post about liking Fantastic Contraption, I only missed one. I pretty much went with the "guys will like it, girls won't" - it almost worked.

Fantastic

2008-10-03T16:16:00.002-04:00

This game is a lot of fun. And addicting. At least to geeks like me. If you only have 5 minutes to look at it, don't - because once you start, you can't quit.

http://fantasticcontraption.com/

I have a list in my head of who is going to like this game and who won't - please, if you try it (and I know you), post a comment and let me know. I'll tell you whether I was right or not soon.

Welcome Back

2008-10-02T09:54:00.002-04:00

I'm back. Did you miss me? Being busy at work + having a new baby = fewer posts. But I have a little time now, so here goes...

I saw a news article or read or somewhere or heard on the radio (I can't remember - losing sleep messes with my ability to function) that scientists have discovered that a nutrient in green tea can be used to cure [insert disease here]. It was probably cancer or hemorrhoids or something - suffice it say it was significant. What disturbed me was the next line - something like "Such-and-such pharmaceuticals should have a drug out in the next 2 years". Really? That's what health care has come to? Why not just tell people to drink green tea?

What's that? You can't put a patent on green tea? Ah, now I see.

Next thing you know they'll be manufacturing oxygen and selling that.

Oh wait...

The Fine Line

2008-06-30T09:24:00.001-04:00

A Quickie

2008-05-30T15:11:00.002-04:00

Coming back from lunch, I saw an elderly man walking on the sidewalk up ahead of me. I could see he had walking shoes on, so I assumed he was out for some exercise. As I got closer, I could see that he had headphones in, so I was sure that's what he was doing. Then I saw a puff of smoke come up behind him. At first I thought "that had to be one nasty fart", but as I drove by, I noticed it was the CIGAR he was holding. That's right, WHILE he was walking.

Reminds me of those people that order the triple cheeseburger, large fries, and the diet Coke. You know, less calories.

Sightseeing

2008-05-21T15:16:00.002-04:00

Of the few times that I've been in a McDonald's in the last 10 years or so (none by choice, by the way), the most recent trip disturbed me. It was about a week ago, and I was picking up lunch for my pregnant wife (do all pregnant women crave grease at some point?). So I give my order to the surprisingly alert and helpful woman behind the counter, swipe my card (I need to carry more cash), and take my receipt. So far so good.

As I'm waiting for the food to be prepared (read: unthawed, nuked, slapped on a bun, wrapped in plastic and/or unthawed, dropped in boiling oil, loaded into a bucket and/or "pooped" out of a large machine), two ladies walk in and get in line to order. They have matching shirts with words on them, so naturally I need to know what they say. Oh how I wish I didn't look. "Lakota Child Nutrition." (Lakota is our school district).

This alarmed me at first. What would people responsible for the nutrition of thousands of students be doing at a McDonald's? Did they not see Super Size Me? (Tangent: How gross were those fries at the end? If you haven't seen it, they put various McDonald's offerings in jars and watch them for a few months. Most get moldy and start to deteriorate. But not the fries! They were as golden as the day they were put in that jar. That's probably why you're car doesn't wreak after you drop fries in between the seats and don't bother to retrieve them. Imagine losing a chicken sandwich down there. And.......back to my original thoughts) What was later pointed out to me after a profanity-laced rant (not really) was that these women probably just worked in the cafeteria or something and that everyone who handles food is part of "child nutrition".

My faith in the Lakota school system was restored. And my kids will still go to private school.

PS - to both of those Bungalow Boys fans out there, feel to read "Tangent" as "Tangent Man" and laugh hysterically.

Dog Food

2008-03-26T13:13:00.002-04:00

I went to buy dog food the other day. I paid $45 for a 37 pound bag that should last my dog about a month. My first thought was "$45? Really? For that dumb dog? Is she really worth it?" Well, she is, or at least Andrea thinks she is, so I bought it. Then it occurred to me that dogs really only eat one thing. Well, they're supposed to eat only one thing. Turns out if you have a toddler and a dog you never really know who ate what - out of either bowl.

But dogs could live off of only eating that one kind of food. How awesome is that? Where can I get something like that? I think I'll make that my dream for the day: to someday have to only eat one thing, and that one thing will give me all the nourishment I need for that day. Think about it - you'd never have to cook meals or spend gobs of money eating out. As long as it wasn't government funded or run, you could live a long healthy life on just that one food. (If it was government funded, well, it's best not to think about that.) It would be like in The Matrix when all they ate was that gruel - I want that gruel! I want dog food. I don't even care how it would taste. As long as you don't gag when smelling it, I could get used to just about anything. (Joke about Andrea's cooking deleted for marital bliss to continue).

Who do I talk to about this? Is there some sort of petition I can start?

Now, you may think I'm crazy, and if you've read this blog long enough, you know it to be true. But when you struggle with food allergies, and there are times when everything you eat seems to make you sick, you start to think of stuff like this. Sure I get that people like the taste of food, and you like dinner parties and having family over for Thanksgiving and blah blah blah - spare me. If they came up with a food that gave us everything we needed, is it really a stretch to think we wouldn't live to be 120? 150?

Sightseeing

2008-03-20T11:47:00.002-04:00

Sight seen on my way to work this week:

This guy pulls out of McDonald's and stops at a red light. He rolls down the window and drops out his straw wrapper. Just right there, on the ground, for someone else to pick up. What the hell? I thought littering was something people did when they thought no one else was looking. You know, like picking your nose. Not this guy. He had no problem with it. And I know there are way worse things than throwing your straw wrapper on the ground, but something just made me want to pull that guy out of his car and shove that straw wrapper so far down his throat that digesting it would be unnecessary. Is that wrong? Well, I've heard jail isn't that cool, so I didn't do it, but it sure would have made me feel better.

Curbside Tip Up?

2008-02-15T15:17:00.002-05:00

So being the nice husband that I am, when Andrea is sick and doesn't feel like cooking and won't eat my cooking (who would?), I go pick up food for her. Last week was just such a time. Now we don't eat out often, usually once or twice a week and mostly at the same two or three places. So last week, we ate somewhere else. And this place just happened to have curbside pickup (or whatever fancy name they threw on it to make it "theirs"). Now, I was a curbside pickup virgin. Never done it before. Had no idea what to expect.

Well, if you've never done it before, it's pretty much how you'd think it is. You pull up to a designated area of the parking lot. They have already asked what kind of car you drive when you placed the order, so when you pull up, they bring your food out to your car. It's like having a drive thru without the drive thru.

Sounds great, right? You pull up, don't even have to get out of your car, somebody brings you your food, you pay, and drive off. Amazing. When I first heard of this, I thought "how lazy can people get that they need can't even get out of their car to get carryout?" So here's the rub: how can you not tip the girl (or guy, I guess) that brings you your food? Here you are, sitting in your nice warm car, she brings out your piping hot food wearing short sleeves, waiting for you to fumble around in your wallet to find your credit card. Then she comes back out and has to wait for you to sign the receipt. That's worth at least a couple bucks, right?

So how did this come to be? Did nobody leave a tip when picking up carry out? I do most of the time because the carry out people generally perform the same duties as the in-store waitresses. They take your order, submit it to the cooks, and bring you your food when it's ready. So I tip on carry out. But didn't anybody else? Did they have to come up with curbside pickup to get you to tip? Did these places really gain that much business because you didn't have to get out of your car to get your food? Only in America.

A quick side note on the upcoming elections now that I'm thinking about America: thanks for nothing America! I'm gonna have 2 lame choices for President. (By the way, I'm now on some list because I mentioned the President - what's up FBI?) You've got McCain who wants to declare war on everybody. You've got Obama/Clinton who both support abortion rights. What's worse, the wait to get into Canada is 2 years. (Yeah, I checked). So if you have a good way to pick who (whom?) I vote for, let me know. So far I have eeny-meany-miney-mo and bubble-gum-bubble-gum-in-a-dish. Leave your vote in the comments.

PS: I just reread this, and it kinda sucks. If you made it here, hats off to you. You win the special prize.

Sightseeing

2008-01-10T13:05:00.000-05:00

Debuting a new feature on the blog today called Sightseeing. It's my version of A Scene Along the Way that I'm fond of and that some of you know about. I hope you like it.

It's been unseasonably warm here in the midwest (shouldn't it be mideast?), which normally is a good thing. You get to go outside without layers upon layers of clothing, you can't see your breath, and you can feel your toes when you finally do go back inside. But I recently saw a downside.

Driving to work one day, I saw a runner on the side of the road. Wow, that sounds like the guy had been run over. No, I saw a guy running along the side of the road, you know , how those snobby bike riders do when they ride along the white line snubbing their noses at the sidewalk. That's all well and good until you have a line of cars backed up trying to get around you because you're too good for the sidewalk. Yeah, there's bumps in the sidewalk - deal with it. You know I've never seen a bike rider along a highway. I mean that's a perfect place for them. HUGE shoulder.

Ok, back to my runner (starting to get the title of the blog now?). So here's this guy running in what appears to be a t-shirt...and socks...and running shoes. This is where you say "Wait, just a t-shirt and shoes?" and I say "well, and socks" and you come back with "no pants?" Well done. Except he did have pants. Well, shorts. But not normal shorts. No no. These were way shorter than shorts. In fact, they may be called "shorters" or even "shortests". So short in fact, that had this guy's shirt not been moving from the running, I'm not sure you'd be able to see them apart from the shirt.

Can someone explain this to me? Does it somehow help the running to have your entire leg showing? Would it be just as beneficial to go jogging in tighty-whities? At least then, I would give you the benefit of the doubt that you have some mental impairment and just forgot to put on your normal shorts. Does it feel freer (that's free-er but still doesn't look right)? Of all the shorts I've ever owned, I can't remember any coming above mid-thigh. Except for maybe the 80's - that doesn't count. I didn't start dressing myself until...well...that's a different subject.

Now, you might be saying to yourself "I bet he wouldn't have a problem with these short shorts on women runners."

And you'd be right.

Ramble On...

An Ode to Black Friday Shoppers

2007-11-20T19:00:00.000-05:00

You Suck.

Now don't take this personally if you are of those crazies that gets up at 4am and stands in line to get that cheap tv or dvd player or blender or whatever. Chances are that if you're reading this, I know you and love you and you don't suck. So calm down. Now, I could go on a long-winded rant about how commercialism has taken over Christmas and how we all have too much stuff and don't need anymore, but I won't. Actually, I can't. As I sit in my new house and look around at my 50 inch tv, satellite system, room full of toys for baby, and all the other crap I don't need, I'm really not one to talk. I don't list all those to impress you (you all know I have that stuff anyway), just to state my position.

Anyway, if you are one of these crazies that wakes up the day after an enormous dinner to "work it off" by shopping, you suck. (Again, not you, just you in general). You see, I had to work retail on this day 7 years in a row. Was it 8? I don't know - they've scarred me for life. Thankfully I didn't work at a mall or something serious might have happened (to you all, not me). No, I worked at a Circuit City those seven years (we'll call it seven - you know, for 'easyness' - yep I just made that up). I liked that job 11 months out of the year. But from the day after Thanksgiving through New Years, it was awful.

I don't really remember what time we opened. I'm sure it was 6 or 7am. I worked in customer service, so my main two jobs that day were either (a) handing people the stuff they bought that had to come out of the warehouse or (b) explaining to people that while they did pay for that vcr, we just don't have anymore, that while I do have a funny looking face, it doesn't really resemble a donkey's, and that it was physically impossible for me to go to hell at that moment (I usually had to work until 2 or 3 that day anyway).

The one good part of this day for retail workers is that it is so stinkin' busy that once the rush dies down, it's already around noon and almost time to go home.

I used to wonder "how did it get this way?" Did there used to a time when the day after Thanksgiving was just a regular day retail speaking? But does it really matter? It's that way now, and it was that way 10 years ago, and it's only going to get worse. That's why I've sworn off shopping on this day. At least in the stores at 6am. Online? fine. At 2pm? If I'm feeling up for it. But mostly it's just not worth it. I feel bad for all those retail workers who got up at 4am. So me, my hands, toes, and balls (what? they get cold) will all be home snug in my bed until the jolly hour of 6am this Friday. Yeah, I said 6am. I thought kids slept longer than that.

If you're in line waiting to enter Kohl's at 4am this Friday, shame on you. I hope the $20 you save is worth it. And get me a nice sweater.

Be nice to those people working retail. They hate having a line as much as you hate standing in it.

If you are offended by this post or are upset with me, I either (a) don't care or (b) am sorry. You pick.

Ramble On...

So, do you keep your options open?

2007-10-05T12:51:00.001-04:00

Holy Crap! I haven't posted since August 17? I must have been a busy bee :)

Let me tell you about a few interesting yet similar experiences I've had in the past six months or so. The first one happened while I was filling up my car at the nearby Shell station. The guy on the opposite pump from me comes over and starts off with the "Hey, how ya doin'" greeting. We exchange pleasantries (I'm nice) and the conversation is going along nicely. "You live around here?" "Yeah, Liberty Township." "Oh yeah? Me too." "Did you go to school around here?" "Yeah, Badin for high school and then Miami." "Really? My wife..." blah blah blah. This goes on for a few minutes until he drops "What kind of work do you do?" I told him. "Do you keep your options open?" So this guy is some kind of recruiter? Yeah, I keep my options open, I tell him. He's says "Great, let me get your name and number and I'll call you about some opportunities I have. " Apparently I'm a pretty trusting guy and I just hand this information right over. ("You want my social security number too?") "So are you some kind of recruiter or something?" I ask him. "No, I'm a " insert who-cares job here. My gas is done pumping at this point so I say goodbye and go home. Didn't think much of it.

So this guys calls a few days later. He tells me he and his business partners have agreed to let me join their little "operation" they have going. "What kind of business is it?" I ask. "Oh, I can't tell you over the phone. You'll have to meet me somewhere and I can tell you all about." My next response should have been CLICK (that's me hanging the phone up for those not "in the know"), but it wasn't. I politely explained that I wasn't interested and we left it at that.

Ok, weird experience, but I guess it could happen to anybody.

So, a couple months later, I'm at the same gas station filling up. The guy filling up next to me comes over and tells me I look like Andre Agassi. Ha ha, he shaves his head, I shave my head. This guy's funny. Partly from the fact that I really couldn't understand him and partly because I'm nice, I laugh and go back to watching the pounding my wallet is taking from Shell. He holds out his hand and tells his name. I shake back, tell him my name, say nice to meet you. "What kind of work do you do?" Here we go. I tell him. "Does your wife work too?" Yes. "Do you guys ever keep your options open?" CLICK. I kindly explain that with a baby, we don't really have time to get into anything right now. He understands (I think), we say goodbye, and he goes back to his car.

Twice in one year? Really? Ok, maybe.

So, a few weeks ago my wife, daughter, and I are walking into Babies 'R Us. A couple with twins walk by and the husband asks how old my daughter is. Now, this happens frequently when we are out, especially at kid-centered stores/events, generally because people are nice. So I tell him and we walk towards the store entrance. We exchange niceties and once we get inside, my wife gives them the "Well, have fun shopping" as she walks off. (How smooth is that?) So we walk off, as do they. I decide that while my wife is shopping for baby clothes (BORING), the baby and I are going exploring. Can you see what happens next? I run into this guy again. He's pushing his stroller, I'm pushing mine. He went to such-and-such college and does this-and-that for a living. He starts telling me how he invented some sort of whiteboard or something that schools are starting to use and that it's doing so well that his wife doesn't have to work anymore. That's great, I tell him. "So, do you guys ever keep your options open?"

That's right, sports fans, three times in six months. Do I have some sort of sign on my forehead welcoming these people? Is it flashing neon saying "I need to join a home-based scam...er...business". I try to be nice to whomever (whoever?) I meet, spreading joy to the world (quit laughing), but I'm starting to think I should just play 5-year-old and stay away from strangers. If there's a t-shirt out there saying "My options are closed", I'm buying two.

Ramble On...

The Bronx

2007-08-17T08:00:00.000-04:00

Well, I returned this week having spent 4 days in Bronx, NY with 12 youth and 17 other adults. What an amazing trip. It stands to reason that the purpose of going on a mission's trip is to go serve people who are less privileged than yourself, but it never fails that you get more blessed than you could possibly imagine.

Deciding to go on this trip was difficult for me. Not only because traveling is somewhat difficult with my food allergies, but also because of the one year old bundle of joy at home that needs her daddy. I talked it over with Andrea and she assured me that if I felt like I had to go, that she would be fine taking care of baby. Now, I knew she would be fine actually taking care of her, but to get her approval seemed liked the best route to go.

The trip started on Thursday. Early Thursday. Early, as in "I'll see you at church at 6am" early. We had an 11am flight in Columbus, so I was planning on leaving church by 7. To everyone's credit, they all arrived early and we were able to depart around 6:45. We were taking four vans to the airport, so I'm thinking we're in pretty good shape. That lasted for about 20 minutes. That's when we see the last van in our caravan pull off and exit the highway. Something must be wrong. We call. "Somethings wrong," they say. Great. The other vans pull off at the next exit and call again. "All my lug nuts were loose. We'll be back on the road in 5 minutes." So Lugnut (as the driver is henceforth referred to) and his "crew" meet up with us 20 minutes later. Good thing we got off to an early start.

Without boring you with the checking in, getting through security, and the flight, let's just say we made it to NY with little problem. (Well, we almost lost one parent, but we found her.)

After a 2 hour subway ride, we arrived at Robin and Harve's (our hosts) house. Robin and Harve hosted us last time we came to NY, although we only brought 12 that time. They are amazing people. They have lived as missionaries in NY for over 3 years. They had moved since we were there last, and now lived in a building owned by an 86 year old woman, affectionately called Grandma. Grandma is an interesting character and we'll get back to her in a minute. First, the building. It's a three story apartment building with a basement. Grandma lives on the first floor, and she rents out the second and third floor apartments to Robin and Harve. And she also lets them use the basement. Now, these apartments aren't small, but when you try to cram 30 people in them, they start to feel cramped. I was in the basement with 9 other guys on bunk beds. Thankfully, I got to sleep in a bottom bunk, because the top bunks were about 3 feet from the ceiling. Somehow, we managed to get the other 20 people comfortable upstairs. At the time, us basement dwellers felt a little cramped, but looking back, it wasn't so bad. Part of the problem is that the hallways in the whole house were narrow, so you always felt like walls were all around.

Now, logically, you would think being in the basement would be the coolest place in the house. You know, hot air rises and all that. I'm not sure that applied the first night. It had to be 80 degrees down there. For all the complaining we did that first night, I think most of it was half-hearted and we were all just excited about being there. Well, at least I was. Thankfully, the next two nights were much cooler. As it turns out, the weather the whole trip was pretty good. It rained Friday making it very cool, to the point we had to buy long sleeve shirts because nobody brought any. Saturday was a little warmer, but nothing like we have in Cincinnati in August. It could have been a lot worse.

Grandma was a riot. She grew up in Washington, DC and moved by NY 30 (or 50) years ago. Oh, the stories she told. I can't tell them nearly as well as she can, but suffice it to say that she has led a very interesting life. She was such a blessing for us on this trip and it would have been a much different trip without her.

Friday brought a trip to LPAC, where we had visited last time. LPAC is a school/daycare/afterschool program type place, and the day we arrived, there were 40-50 kids, ranging in age from about 4-11. We were scheduled to be there from 10-3, so the first half of the day we did crafts with the kids. What a mess! Some people did face painting with the kids (which turned into mostly arm tattoos by the end). I helped with the sand painting. We had these crosses that were sectioned so you could peel off a section revealing a sticky side, on which you would then neatly apply some sand, turning that section the color of the sand. That lasted for the first section. Well, the neat part anyway. Most of the kids actually got the concept, but man, what a mess. But it was during this activity that I met my buddy for the day. Andy. Andy plopped down right beside me and didn't leave for 2 hours. We ended up making 3 crosses and I took him to get a "tattoo" of a tiger. Only a week later, I don't remember much of what Andy and I talked about. The only thing I remember him saying was "Do you want one of my crosses to take with you so you have something to remember me by?" How does that not melt your heart?

After lunch, some members of our group did a clown program for the kids (very well done, by the way), and Andy sat with me the whole time. Then we played some games. You would have thought the sand was sugar and that they ate it all. Man, were they hyper. But hyper kids make for fun games. We stayed at LPAC about 45 minutes longer than we were supposed to, but the time went by so quick. I hope I never forget Andy.

Friday night was Times Square. Fun, but not much to tell. M&M world was cool, though. They had the weirdest mannequins at the Gap. I'll see if I can find some pictures....

Saturday was a day I'll never forget. After breakfast, the 30 of us split up into 2 groups: those that wanted to see Yankee Stadium later in the day, and those that didn't. Of course I wanted to see Yankee Stadium. The other group went to Little Italy in the Bronx while our group did an "Ask the Lord" listening prayer activity. Going into it, I just planned on going through the motions, doing what I was told, and just get through it. God had other plans. The idea was for each of us to find a quiet place to pray and listen to God and just write down what we heard, or what we thought, or what came to mind. Well, I'm not very good at just sitting and listening, so I walked. And I walked. I walked by the AIDS hospital that we visited last trip and I wrote down "AIDS." Then I wrote down "HURT" because visiting those people 2 years ago, you could see the hurt in some of their eyes. I walked some more. I wrote down "WHY AM I WALKING", because I was getting annoyed, thinking God wasn't talking to me. Then I saw a little girl. I wrote down "CHILD." Then I wrote down "ORPHAN." Not surprisingly after that, I wrote down "RUSSIA" (Andrea and I are in the process of adopting from Russia). And I didn't think much about it. I stopped walking when I got back to the house. We had some time left, so I popped open my Bible. First page I went to: Psalm 118. I read verses 81-88. I didn't think much of that either. Then we all gathered back to share what we found. I kept reading my list and those verses. One phrase kept coming back to me: "When will you comfort me?" Suddenly, I couldn't read it without crying. People were sharing their stories, and I kept trying to read this verse. I couldn't. I kept thinking of a little girl in Russia asking me "when will you comfort me?" or "when will you come for me?" When it came time to share, I tried to read it. I'm not sure how it came out - probably all high pitched and whiny sounding like when you try to talk while crying. Something came over me in that room that I'll never be able to explain. But after going through that, I'm confident that adopting is the right thing to do and that God will help us through it.

Yankee Stadium was a bust. We got there 30 minutes after the last tour went through. We tried to beg and plead our way in, to no avail. Maybe next time....

We threw a block party for the neighborhood Saturday night. We grilled out hot dogs and hamburgers, passed out school supplies to the kids, did face painting, and met the neighborhood. Apparently, we were technically breaking the law by having this block party, as you are only allowed one per year, so of course the police showed up. We quickly disbanded the party after that, but I think everyone had a good time.

In the middle of the block party, one of the adults on our trip came out of the house arm in arm with our youth pastor and shared that he had an announcement to make. Now, about 3 months ago, a lady in our church who knows this man very well said that this trip was for him. And she was right. He announced that he had accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior and that it was time for a change. And everyone cheered. It was awesome. The glow about this man the rest of the day was indescribable. What an incredible thing to witness.

With the block party ending a little early, there was time to go ride the Staten Island Ferry and see the Statue of Liberty. Looking back on it now, I should have gone, but I was so tired, well drained would be a better way to put it, that I decided not to go. It's a good thing, too, because those that went didn't get back home until 2am. So I was thankful for the extra sleep.

Sunday was supposed to be attending the Brooklyn Tabernacle, but there was some confusion on the service times and it turns out we weren't able to attend. No worries - we all ate lunch and headed for the airport.

Looking back now, I wouldn't have missed this trip for the world. I hesitated even going on the trip, and then deciding to help lead the trip, but I'm so glad I did. Thank you to all who helped and to all who went and to all who stayed back to make it possible for us to go. I can't wait to get back.

Ramble On...

why i hate fireworks

2007-07-06T15:25:00.000-04:00

My original title was "why i hate the 4th of July," but it's not the actual day I hate. Nor is it the celebration of America, our freedom, and whatever else people celebrate this time of year. No, the fact is, I hate fireworks. If that makes me un-American, so be it. Yeah, fireworks are pretty (if you are 12 or are a girl). Yeah, they make loud noises. So? When's the last time they created a new firework? I mean, it's the same thing every year, right?

I didn't really start hating fireworks until I owned a house. A house close to other houses, that is. In my scientific study, at two-thirds of the people in this country are idiots. By my luck, Cincinnati seems to have eclipsed that number. Don't believe me? Watch the news. Anyway, alcohol + idiot + fireworks could mean the burning down of my house. (OCD strikes again!) Now I'm a pretty heavy sleeper, and when I'm tired, there's not much to keep me from sleeping. Fireworks included. So when I was still living with my parents, I wasn't really affected much by fireworks. I could still go to bed even if my brothers were still setting them off in the backyard. The wife, however, not such a good sleeper (especially before the baby). Pretty much any noise could wake her up or keep her from sleeping. So, once I got the wife and the house, I started hating fireworks.

Then came baby.

Oh how I hate fireworks. Apparently loud booms right outside baby's window is less than comforting when she's trying to sleep. And when she's tired, and not asleep, baby tends to cry. And when she's asleep, and suddenly woken up, baby tends to scream her head off. Needless to say, this has not been a fun week. It could have been worse, as baby has only gotten up a few times, but still.

So when I'm all grown up, and my kids aren't at home anymore, and I can't see a house for miles around, maybe July 4 will be a bit more enjoyable. I'll just lie back, put my teeth in their jar, and enjoy the show.

Ramble On...

my disease

2007-06-15T09:19:00.000-04:00

Ok, well I don't really have a disease. At least not one that I'm aware of or has been medically diagnosed. (The OCD was a self diagnosis, and while I play doctor on myself sometimes, I have no "actual" training.) What I do have is an allergy to, among other things, wheat and dairy products. Andrea would tell you I'm allergic to housework, but she's no doctor either. And I do my fair share(ish). Anyway, I have a wheat allergy. The typical conversation when I reveal this to someone goes along the lines of:

Me: "Yeah, it turns out I'm allergic to wheat."
Them: (scrunches up face like I just farted or something) "Oh my gosh! Really?! Man, that sucks."
Me: "I know, right? I can't eat dairy either."
Them: (mouth agape like a hungry baby robin) "What do you EAT?!!!"

Now, there are dozens of different ways to go with this. I could go with the "well, mostly twigs and berries that I find behind my house," but most people would know that I'd be making fun of them (which I would be). I've gone with "I eat a lot of Mexican," though if I'm feeling a little saucy, I throw an "s" on the end there just to see if they pick up on it. But mostly I just go with "a lot of meat and vegetables" because I'm a good little boy and I don't like making people uncomfortable. If you have something better (funnier, meaner, wittier) to say, let me know. This could be fun.

Contrary to what most people think, they're really are a lot of options left in the food world if you take out wheat and dairy. But what makes it nice for me is the options that it does take away. For instance, I haven't eaten at McDonald's in close to 10 years. It's not that I can't eat anything there, just that they didn't become the biggest restaurant (if you can call it that) in the world on the reputation of their salads. Not missing McDonalds. I haven't had a pop (or soda or Coke - whatever you call liquid candy) in a very long time. Even when I taste it now - it's awful. It's "burn my throat" awful. I imagine it's how whiskey tastes to normal people. I've never had whiskey, but when people drink it on the tv, they swallow, make this awful face like they just bit into an onion instead of an apple, and then shake like my dog does after she comes in from the rain. Let's just say I'll be staying away from that too. (Pop, not whiskey. Ok whiskey too.) Speaking of alcohol, I can't have beer either. Not that I drank it before I got my allergy, but it turns out to be an easy excuse.

Some schmuck at a nearby picnic: "Here - have a beer."
Me: "No thanks. I'm good."
schmuck: "Aw, come on. Just one."
Me: "No really. But thank you."
schmuck: "What are you, some kind of religious nut?"
Me: "Yeah."
schmuck: "Just have a beer."
Me: "No - I'm allergic to wheat. It would blow my face up like a balloon."
schmuck: "Oh, allright man. Here's a water."

So you see how it can come in handy. Now, this conversation never really happened (and my face doesn't blow up like a balloon when I eat wheat), but still. These allergies have turned out to be a real blessing. It's a little inconvenient at times, but overall I eat way better than I ever would have without the allergies. Plus, it keeps the weight off. I haven't been over 160 lbs since high school (my "husky" days - but that's a whole other story).

Ramble On...

why i hate the internet

2007-06-08T15:37:00.000-04:00

Ok. I don't really hate the internet. There are a lot of good things about the internet. But being a hypochondriac, the internet is sometimes bad for me. WebMD is possibly the worst site I've ever encountered. You see, they have this symptom checker type thing whereby you put in what hurts, what aches, and what twitches, and it tells you what could possibly be wrong with you. Inevitably, whatever I put in, it always comes back that I have some sort of cancer or other incurable disease that will ruin my life (and/or end it). There's probably some disclaimer on the site somewhere that warns you about making your own diagnosis or some crap, but when I type in headache it shoots back brain tumor - I'm freaked out.

You know what's kind of like hypochondria? OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder, for those not in the know). How do you know if you have OCD? Here's my checklist:

Do you check whether the doors are locked multiple times before leaving the house?
Do you check whether the oven is off multiple times before leaving the house?
Do you check whether the garage doors closes multiple times before pulling away from the house?
Do you turn around at the end of the street to go back home to make sure either (a) the garage door is closed, (b) the oven is off, or (c) the doors are locked.

Check. Check. Check. All of the above.

Other things I obsess about? Water coming in the basement. My daughter suffocating because she sleeps on her stomach. What that sound was that I can't identify. Anything WebMD tells me. Why nobody likes me :( (Ok - that one's not true - how can you not like this?) For some reason, I worry all the time about what could happen even though that thing probably won't happen. Miraculously, I have no problem getting on planes. Even when the worst stuff happens, it's not so bad. We had some electricians hit the sprinkler line at our house in MD (on the second floor no less) causing water to flow onto the carpet/walls on the second floor and into the first floor ceiling. 3 days later, you couldn't tell it ever happened. Do I still obsess about it happening at my current house? Yep.

Ramble On...

what the hell was I thinking?

2007-06-07T13:24:00.000-04:00

Describe scary: I am in charge of leading 31 people, including 12 middle/high schoolers, on a trip that involves driving from Cincinnati to Columbus, boarding a plane New York, then taking the subway 90 minutes to our intended destination. Oh yeah, and I can't lose any of them along the way. (Acceptable losses include whiny children, whiny adults, and people who just irritate me.)

Ok, I guess it's not that scary. I mean most of these people are adults or belong to adults who will be there. You would think most of them have travel experience. And I think of a few of them have even flown before! That's not fair - I don't really know how many have flown before. But can you see where it's a little daunting? I don't think it's the actual flying/subway ride that's scary, I think it's the number of people. 31. Half of the places I worked didn't have 31 employees!

Did I mention it's a missions trip? Yeah, doing the Lord's work. So there's no real reason to complain, I suppose. He (that's God) has gotten me through plenty of tough situations before - no reason He would fail me now. I think once we get there, it will be a great trip though. Admittedly, ministering to children is way easier than ministering to adults - and most of this trip will be interacting with children. Why is that? Why is it easier to tell children about God than it is to tell adults? Am I afraid the adult will think I'm stupid? Wouldn't be the first time. Am I afraid they will laugh. Been laughed at. Am I afraid they will hit me? That's just silly. So what is it? I think it really is that I am afraid of what people will think of me. Weren't we taught in 3rd or 4th grade to not care what other people think? So why do we? Why do we need everyone to like us? Or at least think we aren't nuts?

Back to the trip - I think harder than actually going on the trip is planning it. I have to worry about gathering all the money, making the plane reservations, getting transportation to the airport, making sure people pack light, but not too light, calling everybody when something changes....It's just tiring. Some have suggested that I delegate some of those tasks, but then instead of worrying about the actual task, I worry about the person I assigned it to. At least this way I have some semblance of control.

Well, if you got this far, you are a brave soul. Or just bored. If I could type as fast as mind races, this thing would have been about 20 times as long. Good for you then, I guess.

Til next time - Ramble On...