An Ode to Black Friday Shoppers

You Suck.


Now don't take this personally if you are of those crazies that gets up at 4am and stands in line to get that cheap tv or dvd player or blender or whatever. Chances are that if you're reading this, I know you and love you and you don't suck. So calm down. Now, I could go on a long-winded rant about how commercialism has taken over Christmas and how we all have too much stuff and don't need anymore, but I won't. Actually, I can't. As I sit in my new house and look around at my 50 inch tv, satellite system, room full of toys for baby, and all the other crap I don't need, I'm really not one to talk. I don't list all those to impress you (you all know I have that stuff anyway), just to state my position.

Anyway, if you are one of these crazies that wakes up the day after an enormous dinner to "work it off" by shopping, you suck. (Again, not you, just you in general). You see, I had to work retail on this day 7 years in a row. Was it 8? I don't know - they've scarred me for life. Thankfully I didn't work at a mall or something serious might have happened (to you all, not me). No, I worked at a Circuit City those seven years (we'll call it seven - you know, for 'easyness' - yep I just made that up). I liked that job 11 months out of the year. But from the day after Thanksgiving through New Years, it was awful.

I don't really remember what time we opened. I'm sure it was 6 or 7am. I worked in customer service, so my main two jobs that day were either (a) handing people the stuff they bought that had to come out of the warehouse or (b) explaining to people that while they did pay for that vcr, we just don't have anymore, that while I do have a funny looking face, it doesn't really resemble a donkey's, and that it was physically impossible for me to go to hell at that moment (I usually had to work until 2 or 3 that day anyway).

The one good part of this day for retail workers is that it is so stinkin' busy that once the rush dies down, it's already around noon and almost time to go home.

I used to wonder "how did it get this way?" Did there used to a time when the day after Thanksgiving was just a regular day retail speaking? But does it really matter? It's that way now, and it was that way 10 years ago, and it's only going to get worse. That's why I've sworn off shopping on this day. At least in the stores at 6am. Online? fine. At 2pm? If I'm feeling up for it. But mostly it's just not worth it. I feel bad for all those retail workers who got up at 4am. So me, my hands, toes, and balls (what? they get cold) will all be home snug in my bed until the jolly hour of 6am this Friday. Yeah, I said 6am. I thought kids slept longer than that.

If you're in line waiting to enter Kohl's at 4am this Friday, shame on you. I hope the $20 you save is worth it. And get me a nice sweater.

Be nice to those people working retail. They hate having a line as much as you hate standing in it.

If you are offended by this post or are upset with me, I either (a) don't care or (b) am sorry. You pick.

Ramble On...